i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
