No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
