I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
