He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
