Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
