I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
