One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
