You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
