Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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