He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
