booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
