i may or may not be watching the land before time
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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