the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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