Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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