He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
