I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
