Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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