Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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