who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
