I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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