dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
