just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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