I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize