I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
