I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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