and she was petting her beer can
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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