I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
