He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
