the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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