I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
