the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize