this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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