CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
