Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I can text with my tongue
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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