speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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