honey bunches of taint.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
