I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
