Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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