He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
