I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize