You just made me feel so damn special
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
