What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
