The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
