Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
