i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
