I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
