Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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