you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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