And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
