sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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