I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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