I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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