i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize