i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
