he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
