Where is the hickey?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
