i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
