uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
