I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
