I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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