i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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