hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
