my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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