I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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