i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
