I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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