I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Michael Bay diarrhea
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
