I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Someone came in the potted fern
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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