I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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