Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize