Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
