I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
