Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
