So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
