I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize