This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
a search helicopter?!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
