happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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