tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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