If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
