I feel like I'm in dance class right now
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
