So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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