Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
