I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
