wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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