I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
