when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
