I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
