you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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