it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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