he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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