our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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