I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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