I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
