Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
