I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
