LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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