I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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