Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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