return my video game
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
