I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
