the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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