I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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