I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
