"it" just moved
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We named our party play list daddy issues
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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