I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
