I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
