Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
