Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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