i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
don't judge my taste in strippers
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
