Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You are a genius and a whore.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
