Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
