Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
