i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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