Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
