If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
