Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
