OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
