Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize